Utterly Alone Series
by ReiaGZ
Summary: Book 1: Tess makes a choice. Book 2: Kyle is ashamed.
1. Tess

**__**

UTTERLY ALONE?

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Author: ReiaGZ

Rating: PG 13 (language)

Summary: Tess makes a few choices after facing the ultimate rejection.

Disclaimer:I do not own Roswell and it's concepts.

Author's Note: The idea for this fic came to me while writing my part in an RPG… In that RPG Liz and Kyle actually slept together. No flames or else. I love constructive feedback or even just worshipping feedback. I don't care about spelling mistakes. If you're anal enough to point them out then go ahead and do so. Just be prepared to receive an eye roll email.

***Prologue***

I have no family, at least not on Earth. You see I'm not from around here. 'There's no such thing as aliens', you say. Well let me tell you that that is a completely false statement. I am an alien and I came to this Earth over fifty years ago, though I'm only a girl of sixteen.

Four of us were sent to Earth with our protector. We don't know our purpose here all we know is that we're supposed to be together. The others don't believe that. I doubt they ever will. They can't accept that our destinies were mapped out for us. I don't blame them for not believing me. I hardly believe it myself anymore. How I wish I still believed in that destiny. It would have made my life so much more bearable. 

We first arrived in Roswell in a stasis like sleep. We were snuggled deep in pods almost like chicken eggs only much bigger and you could see inside. The others hatched way before I did. They left me there. I don't blame them for leaving me though. I guess it was meant to be or whatever. Who knows? Anyway the point is when I protector came back to retrieve us from the hiding place he left us in, I was the only one there.

We traveled all over the country before our protector was able to find the other three in Roswell, NM. They were very suspicious of me at first because they had a lot of dealings with the FBI. They never completely got over their mistrust in me. I know it's partly my fault because our protector had me to manipulate mentally into accepting me. When they found out what I was doing they were furious. Eventually they started to accept me into their circle or so I thought.

Eventually we found out a little bit about our purpose on Earth. We were known as the Royal Four. We were killed in our past life while trying to keep our planet safe from a hostile take over. I was bride to the king. The King's sister was betrothed to his second in command. The four of us were sent to Earth to grow stronger and eventually fight our enemies that also came to Earth.

Our protector was the first and so far only casualty so far. The war has not really started on Earth because they don't know our Earthly identities.

That is our purpose and destiny. Join with our mates and destroy the Enemy that is trying to destroy us. 

There was a problem in that though; the others had fallen in love with Humans. They didn't want to embrace their destiny. After our protector died I no longer had the desire to force them.

My name is Tess Harding and my biggest mistake was in believing that I could make my own destiny.

TBC

* * * Chapter 1 * * *

Quick Note:

This is slightly AU. As I stated in our RPG Liz actually slept with Kyle. Also, Kyle and Tess became really great friends when she moved in with the Valenti's after Nacedo's death and after future Max's visit Liz did not go to Tess to get her and Max together first. That's all I'm saying for now.

"I am alone…. I am utterly alone…" Sigh.

****

"Man Tess, you really need to stop watching that movie if it's going to have you acting so morbid." Kyle says as he flops down next to me on the sofa.

I smile up at him. "I can't help it Kyle you know how much I love Beetle Juice. It's a classic."

"Whatever Tess."

"So who was that on the phone?" I ask not really caring. No one would be calling for me anyway.

"It was just Liz." He answers absently.

"Oh! What does the great Liz Parker want with the lowly Kyle Valenti?" I ask sarcastically. 

Kyle just looks at me and rolls his eyes. "Come on Tess, why so bitter? I thought you were over Max?"

I sigh and pick up the remote to turn off the movie. "I am so over King Max."

"Doesn't sound that way to me. But no matter I feel your pain."

"What pain?" I turn to him in confusion. "I am so not in pain. I don't even know how to spell pain. Pain and me do not get along. And anyway stop trying to change the subject."

"Who's changing the subject? Not I?" He asks with raised eyebrows. 

"Whatever Kyle. Are you going to answer me or just ignore me?" 

Pause... 

No answer... 

"Oh! O.k. If that's the way you want it."

Still no answer…

"Fine then, be like that. When you get through with whatever mission your little princess sends you on you can find me in the room talking to myself."

"Okay. Have fun then." Was all he would say.

"Ugh." I turn and leave the living room. Sometimes Kyle could be such a pain in the…well you get the drift.

* * * * *

Later that afternoon I was lounging across the bed in Kyle's old room listening to the radio and thinking about my present situation. It wasn't like I was jealous of Liz or anything like that… well actually I was jealous of her. She has everything: loyal friends, great personality, the guy that was meant for me. 

You see what I mean? Everything!

I came to this stupid town looking to find my soul mate only to find out he's in love with someone else. Beautiful Elizabeth Parker. Oh! Just thinking her name makes me want to hurl.

Over the past summer though I've learned to live with the fact that Max was never going to love me like he loved her (_Hell! He doesn't even like me_). I've even learned to find the humor in that. 

I know some of my actions changed when Nacedo left for Washington to impersonate Agent Pierce. Without him breathing down my back day in and day out, pointing out to my failures constantly, I've had a lot of time to think about this destiny crap. When he died I just gave up on the idea completely. 

But despite the fact that I no longer want Max I still feel jealous of Liz Parker and not just because she has Max. She had Kyle also. And past insecurities keep reminding that she could have him anytime she wanted and despite what she's done to him in the past, somewhere in his heart there is still a place for her.

God I hate that.

The others barely even speak to me. At one point in time Isabel and I were getting a little closer. Then they found out about there destinies and it's like: 'Oh there goes Tess. The evil man stealing hussy.' The thing is, I don't even want Max anymore. I just want friends. I don't want my one chance at true happiness to be ruined by Liz Parker. I just feel that if she asked Kyle right now to make a choice between them and me, it would be them.

Or maybe it's all in my head. Could it be?

"Tess, I'm going out. I'll be back in a little while." Kyle calls up to me from downstairs.

I go to the top of the stairwell and lean over. "Where are you going?"

"Nunya!"

"I bet you're going to your precious Liz."

"Tess! Come on. You know there's nothing between me and Liz."

I sigh while giving him a small smile. "I know. I just hate seeing you jump at her every beck and call. She only calls when she wants something."

"She's just a friend Tess. When a friend needs my help I try to lend a hand. Now I have to get moving before it gets late. Dad should be home in an hour. You won't be to lonely by yourself will you?"

"I'm used to being alone Kyle." I smirk at him. "I'll be okay."

"Kay. If you need anything just give me a call on my cell."

"Kay. See ya in a bit." I wait until he leaves before turning back to my room.

Alone again. Now I know how that girl felt in Beetle Juice. What was that phrase again? Oh yeah, 'I am alone… I am utterly alone.'

TBC


	2. Tess 2

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* * * Chapter 2 * * *

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P….

Man, I'm so bored. Where the heck is Kyle and Valenti? It's been 2 hours since Kyle left and I'm still here by myself. 

A B C D E F G H I… I… Mmmm…

I scream!

You scream!

We all scream for Ice Cream!

Whoa yeah. Ice cream sounds good right about now.

I went into the kitchen to see if there was any ice cream left. 

Darn! Should have known.

Nothing.

I went back upstairs and changed out of my pajamas, stepped into some sandals, and grabbed my purse. I hesitated at the key rack and decide to skip the keys and just walk. The store wasn't that far away anyhow.

You ever notice that walking the streets of a small town is more comfortable than walking the streets of a major city. There's a calmness and serenity here that you would never find in a big city. I guess it's because everyone knows everyone and Valenti keeps the town in check. Man I could use a dose of Kyle right about now. He would tell me that I'm getting way to philosophical here.

Hmm let's see. I need something to occupy my mind… I know, I'll sing a song. Now, what to sing? What to sing? 'Barney is a dinosaur from my imagination.' 'Whoa Tess, better not let anyone here you singing that out loud. They'd think you're crazy for sure.'

There's the park. I think I'll take the shortcut through there. So there I went walking through the park and whom should I see, you guessed it. King Max! Great, could this night get any worse? I debated on just turning, not really wanting to be graced with his lordly presence but then something (guess it was the sad but reflective look on his face) tells me that I should join him. So I walk up to him.

"Hello Max!"

No answer.

Damn, I'm so tired of being ignored.

"Max, come back down to Earth." 

He finally looked up. "Oh! It's you."

"Gee, don't sound so enthused." Sarcasm. "Any way, you look like you lost your best friend. Since I know nothing is up with Isabel nor Michael, it has to be Liz."

His head jerked up at the sound of Liz's name. "What goes on between Liz and I is none of your damn business."

I hold up my hands in surrender. "O.k. O.k. I understand. I was just trying to lend a friendly ear." I stood up. Now you can understand my anger and jealousy towards Liz. Her name was far too precious to fall from my lips. Should have just bypassed this damn park. He just knocked out my craving for ice cream.

Morbid Jerk!

"I'll be leaving now. Later if you find you need someone to talk to I'm sure you know where to find Isabel, Michael, or even Maria." Man, I've gotten so good at sarcasm lately. I should just leave this stinking town. Obviously it's just bringing out the worst in me. 

I started to walk off but the word's that fell from Max's mouth paused me on the spot. "Liz slept with Kyle."

I laughed. 'Yeah right! Saint Liz would never cheat on Lord Max.' Aloud I said. "Sure right Max. Try another one."

There was no smile gracing his face. That made the smirk on my face drop considerably. 'Liz slept with Kyle.' Liz slept with Kyle.' Over and over that one sentence kept turning in my head. 'STOP.' I'm screaming on the inside. I won't let it show. I turned back to face him. The only look on my face was one of shock and disbelief. My mind didn't want to believe what my ears had heard. Yet I know it's true. Max wouldn't lie about something this massive.

'Liz slept with Kyle.' 'Liz slept with Kyle.' Truth hurts. Especially when it's something you tried to avoid for weeks. Something you agonized over ever happening. I didn't expect it to be this massive though. I always suspected that Kyle would just drop our newfound friendship to be with them. I just never suspected that he would betray me by sleeping with Liz. I know Kyle and I weren't dating but he was the only friend I had in Roswell. By him sleeping with Liz and lying to me about no longer have those type of feelings for her… well that's just plain betraying what trust I had in him.

I hate Liz Parker.

"I'm sorry Max. I don't know what to say."

I hate Kyle Valenti.

"Are you sure it's true? I mean maybe it's not."

"I saw them with my own eyes." 

I hate Max Evans.

"When?"

I hate all their stupid friends.

"Just now. I just came from Liz's house to ask her on a date."

I hate Nacedo for even taking me from that stupid cave.

"I was on her balcony. Her curtain was open. So I looked in and there they were in all their glory having sex."

And most of all I hate the people who thought of recreating me and sending me to this miserable planet.

Stupid Jerks.

"I still don't know what to say. Damn that's harsh Max." 'Can't let you see me cry. Won't let you see me cry.'

He just shrugs. "I doubt you understand how I feel." 'Hah Lord Max! You think you know it all.' "I just needed to tell someone. Maria wasn't home."

'Yeah, King Max I know I'm the last resort.' I opened my mouth to comment.

"Max, there you are. I've been looking all over for you. We need to talk."

"Where have you been Maria?"

They stated talking, forgetting that I'm even there. Max spilled his tells of woe about Liz and Kyle. Maria tells him about finding Michael with that waitress Courtney. I slipped away while they comforted one another. I couldn't get home fast enough. 'Liz slept with Kyle' 'Liz slept with Kyle.'

Hah.

Life sucks

Liz slept with Kyle.

Stupid humans.

Stupid Liz.

Stupid Kyle

"Tess it's not even like that between me and Liz." I mimicked his earlier words.

Yeah right!

Jerk!

Stupid….

Stupid…

Stupid…

Stupid Tess for even thinking she could make her own destiny.

TBC 


	3. Tess 3

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* * * Chapter 3 * * *

I didn't even realize how much I depended on Kyle's friendship until that moment when it was snatched away. I didn't realize how much I was falling in love with him. He was just so different from the others. He didn't march to the beat of Max Evans Kingly drum. He was his own person. That's what I liked the most about him. 

He made me laugh. He didn't know it but whenever I was feeling really depressed I would hang around him and prod him into doing something completely loony. I would try to get him to talk about his newfound religion or I would just play a few practical jokes on him and watch him try to retaliate. In our brief time of living together we managed to become really close friends. 

My only friend in this whole stinking town. How pathetic.

I went back home and locked myself in my room. I didn't want to be bothered with anyone. 'Yeah, like I have some many friends to be bothered by.' I felt so numb. I felt that if anything touched me I would explode. I was angry, sad, depressed, and most of all I was hurt.

I turned on the radio and put on my favorite CD (Survivor). I turned the music up loud. I could feel the beat pulsing through my body. I fell across the bed and stared up at the ceiling. I was trying to drown my sorrows in the music.

This isn't working. So I blew up the radio with my mind.

That felt good. Only temporary. My radio's destroyed and I'm still pissed. All my efforts are for nothing. No matter what I try it all blows up in my face. I tried to befriend them and that only made them suspicious of me. I tried to make them aware of their destinies and that only made them push me away. I tried to make Max fall in love with me and that only made them hate me. I tried to find true happiness by finding someone to be my friend and that only made me realize that no matter what I do these people will never accept me. They're never going to allow me in. So I should just stop trying.

I don't care any longer. Man, who am I trying to kid? I needed them. They know what I am. They're like me. Well Max, Michael and Isabel are. If I can't have their friendship then I might as well just kill myself. I'm too much of a coward to even think about doing that.

I heard a voice downstairs. I listened closely with my sharp hearing. It was Kyle. I kicked off my shoes and quickly put on my pajamas. Then I curled up in the bed. I wasn't going to let him know what I discovered. I could hear his footsteps as he came up the stairs. He was trying to make little noise but I could here it all the same.

He stopped right in front of my door. I froze, closed my eyes. Pretending to be asleep. Funny thing is when you do that you actually do fall asleep. I did.

* * * *

The next morning I woke up to the sound of Kyle's voice beckoning me to wake up. "Tess, what did you do to your radio?"

"Experimenting." I replied quietly. "What time is it?"

"11:30. I didn't want you to sleep the day away. Besides we're meeting Liz and everyone else at the Crashdown in thirty minutes."

At the sound of Liz's voice my memory of last night returned to me in a rush. I looked up at Kyle with and sour expression on my face. "I'm not going."

"What? Come on Tess don't be a shrew." He said.

"I'm not going. I've come to the realization that none of them are my friends. They don't even want to be my friend. You're the only one I talk to and even that's about to change."

"What does that supposed to mean Tess? I'll never stop being your friend."

I arched my eyebrows up at him with a sarcastic lift. Then I just released my anger at him on a sigh. I was not about to let him know what I learned last night. I was still mad at him and hurt but I was just going to hold it in. 

You want to know something real funny. I was going to leave Roswell. You heard me. I was going to leave behind my so-called destiny and just go find somewhere else, someone else that wanted me, Tess Harding. I'm staying now. 

Confused? 

I know you're wondering Liz slept with Kyle and I didn't say that I'm in love with him, so isn't that reason enough to make me leave? Normally it would but I've been ignored, humiliated, and beaten down by them to many times. I'm going to make them pay. They're going to realize that Tess Harding is no play toy. I'm going to hurt them like they hurt me.

I'm going to take away something very precious to them like they stole what was precious to me. 

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Am I evil? 

No. 

__

Will I feel shame? 

Definitely. 

__

Will it all be worth it in the end? 

Probably not but all I can say is that they bought it upon themselves. So let them deal with it.

I looked up at Kyle realizing that he was still waiting on a response from me. "Umm I kind of spaced out. What did you say?"

"I asked if you're gong to go to the Crashdown with us?"

"Yeah sure just let me get ready."

THE END


	4. Kyle

Utterly Alone Series:

Part 2

Lonely Mistakes

**Prologue **

She has changed.

A lot.

I can't pinpoint the exact moment in time when the change came about. All I know is that she did.

She's turned into her past self; the one that everyone loves to hate. She's not the same. She's no longer my friend. She's no longer my joy. She's no longer my passion. She's no longer my anything.

She's his.

His friend. His joy. His passion. His everything. And even though he's dead. His hold upon her emotions is still strong.

That is the only answer I can give as to why she made the choices she made. Why she took the steps that she took. Why she chose the road that she chose. Why she left me alone to face the consequences of her actions.

But I lie to myself no more. And I can no longer lie to others. I know the reason why. I'm just to angry at myself to speak them aloud. But I have to start some time and I know that the time is now.

My name is Kyle Valenti and the biggest mistake I ever made was believing that I was true to my best friend.

**One**

"Liz I can't come over now. Tess and I are having a quiet day together. No alien mumbo jumbo for us today."

"Kyle this is really important. You know I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't." She whines and I melt.

"Okay Liz I'll be over as soon as I can. This had better be worth it. I promised Tess I spend the day with her watching all her favorite movies."

"I'm sure she want mind Kyle." I snort to myself. "Well I'll se you in a few minutes Kyle. Don't take to long."

We both hang up and I stand, staring at the phone until the sound of Tess' sweet voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

"I am alone… I am utterly alone."

Why does she always do that to me? She has a way of making me feel like a complete ass. I resist the urge to hit her upside her head with the sofa pillow. Instead I flop down next to her on the sofa.

"Man Tess, you really need to stop watching that movie if it's going to have you acting so morbid."

I can't help the smile that comes to my face as I look at her smiling prettily up at me.

"I can't help it Kyle." Came her reply. "You know how much I love Beetle Juice. It's a classic."

I roll my eyes at the picture of cuteness she makes as she defends her favorite movie. "Whatever Tess."

She turns back towards the TV for a few minutes. I just sit there and lose myself into the picture of peacefulness I see when I look at her. I totally forget about conversation until once again she speaks.

Without turning her head she asks nonchalantly. "So who was that on the phone?" She was trying to act as if she didn't care but I saw right through her. I was reluctant to answer.

I say absently, "It was just Liz." No big deal right? Right!?!

She turns to face me then with a look of sarcasm on her face. "Oh? And what does the great Liz Parker want with the lowly Kyle Valenti?" The cynicism fairly oozes off of her lips.

I try to ignore it with a roll of my eyes. "Come on Tess, why so bitter? I thought you were over Max?"

"I'm so over King Max." She says flippantly as she picks up the remote and turns off the TV.

'Are you really Tess? Or are you just waiting for Liz to magically disappear? I ask myself. Aloud I say, "Doesn't sound that way to me, but no matter I still feel your pain."

"What pain?" She looks at me, the confusion evident in her face. "I am so not in pain. I don't even know how to spell pain…"

I tuned her out half way as she prattled on. Coming back to myself only when she uttered her last sentence. "Who's changing the subject? Not I?"

She rolled her eyes tartly at me. "Whatever Kyle. Are you going to answer me or just ignore me?"

Pause…

I couldn't answer…

"Oh! O.k. If that's the way you want it."

How could I answer her when I barely knew what I meant? No that's wrong I couldn't understand my feelings enough to express them to her.

"Fine then, be like that. When you get through with whatever mission your little princess sends you on you can find me in the room talking to myself."

I don't mean to sound cruel but all I say is, "Okay have fun then."

I continue to ignore her as she walks angrily out of the room. Sometimes she could be such a cute little pain in the… Well you get the drift.

Later that day found me driving down the quiet streets of Roswell thinking about the dilemmas in my life. You may think to yourself 'Gee Kyle you're only sixteen. What kind of agonizing choices could you possibly be facing?'

Ask me that aloud and I just my reply that 'Love is a tough #$ decision.

I argue with myself constantly over the thought of whether or not I'm still in love with Liz Parker. Sure she's dumped me numerous times for the so-called love of her life Max Evans. But I can't stop myself from thinking that maybe just maybe she might open her eyes and come to the conclusion that she loves me and not some alien king from a distant universe.

Not that there are aliens in Roswell. No, not at all.

I let out a sigh of agonizing frustration as I pull up into the side lot of the Crashdown. I walk around to the back and look up to see Liz hanging over the balcony.

"Hey?" I call up to her. "Let down thy hair so that I might climb up to thee."

She rolls her eyes at the picture of silliness I'm sure that I make. "Come on up quick Kyle. I don't have time for your corniness right now."

I stand in shock for a while. I can actually feel my internal wounds start to flow at the sharpness of her rapier tongue. I tread slowly up the stairs to the love of my fantasies.

As she shuts the balcony door behind me I speak sharply to her. "So what was so important that you had to drag me away from what was promising to be a lovely day?"

She turns around making a picture of sheer loveliness. "Kyle I…" she pauses. I step closer silently entreating her to speak.

She does not speak. She acts. Reaching her arms around my neck she pulls me towards her and we kiss passionately. I do not fight it. I embrace it. I feel heaven. She feels like heaven in my arms. My dreams have come true.

"Liz!" I whisper. "Oh Liz!"

I lift her and carry her off to her bed. Fall upon the bed we do. We consummate our pleasure in each other.

"Oh yes Liz!" I shout out.

She replies with a tortured cry, "Max!"

My heart is gripped by coldness. It feels as if a dead weight has entered my soul. I pull away from my dream turned nightmare.

I turn away from the look of shame upon her face.

I am angry.

I am regretful.

I am shamed.

But most of all, as I look into the eyes of the girl who I thought was the love of my life; I realize that I am alone.

I am alone.

Alone with no joy.

Alone with no satiation.

Alone with no peace.

Alone with no love.

There I sit.

Just me and my lonely mistakes.


End file.
